strengthofhisart | Empatheias Inbox

...Emotions are always tricky. I sometimes have a hard time processing them even though I've been a deviant for over two years now.

[Deviating is hard enough, but then having Thras die so soon after that... Simon can only imagine how difficult and confusing things been for Connor.]

Are you certain that all of those emotions aren't just yours?

I'm sure.

[Connor would understand if he felt overwhelmed or confused regarding everything that happened, but the surges of absolute terror he'd experienced weren't normal, even for a deviant. It isn't as if he's in as terrible a situation in this world as he might be in their own, and besides that, he has support. He has a lot of uncertain feelings about the future and the loss of the Arehtei on his own, but they aren't the same.]

I know what my feelings are like, even if I don't always know what to do with them.

[Connor seems certain, so Simon decides to simply go along with it. It doesn't seem productive to argue with him about this anyway.]

When Thras was dying, I felt a surge of emotion and while most of it was mine own, I think a part of it was his as well. It didn't last too long, but there was this intense fear for not only his death, but for his people.

But... I also felt his courage. Like he still wanted to reassure others despite everything that's happened to him.

I felt some of the same.

[He follows Simon's lead on the change of topic, even if this one isn't much easier. There's a brief pulse of grief and sorrow, the feeling of loss made sharper by the newness of it, but he quickly pulls it back and prevents anything further from coming through aside from his words.]

It seemed like that was the kind of being he was, always trying to protect people. I don't know if it was just because of his nature as a guardian of this world or his own personality, but I could tell it was sincere either way.

[Although brief, when Simon feels Connor's sorrow, he lets some of his own pain go through their telepathic connection. Perhaps unnecessary and hopefully not detrimental, but he's trying his best to emphasize with the other android.]

Perhaps it's a bit of both. Being a guardian holds certain expectations, but the strength and courage he still had during his last moments was entirely him. We shouldn't take that away from Thras.

I don't plan to.

[Downplaying the Arehtei's feelings and efforts has never been Connor's intention, even if he's wondered where it came from—in a way, that wondering if it came from the nature of Thras' being was the same kind of wondering he had about where his own feelings came from. He was designed a particular way, and many of his experiences have been shaped by that fact. Does he enjoy tracking and investigating because he was built for it? Does he care about helping others because he was designed to adapt to whatever human personalities he encountered?

Whatever the answer to that is, he has other things to worry about right now.]

It's just been difficult to follow up on that same courage.

[He doesn't plan to let it stop him, of course; he's just been emotionally exhausted, a bit.]

[He's never been the bravest android, far from it. Seeking courage from someone like Simon will lead nowhere. He's not a source of inspiration or strength, evident by the amount of androids that died in Jericho because he thought that hiding in fear was the best that they could do.

So, he understands the difficulty.]

I doubt I could ever be that brave. [Because just thinking about death still frightens him. That some day, he'll meet the same fate as his other self.] But I want to try... is that strange? Trying to follow up for someone that I've never spoken to until their last moments.

You might be underestimating yourself.

[Connor of all people can recognize what it takes to keep moving forward in their world as a deviant android, rather than taking a way out. He may not know how long Simon has been deviant, but... he gets the feeling it's been a while.]

I don't think it's strange. You should take whatever inspiration you can find to improve yourself as a person. I'm sure Thras would be glad for it.

[He's honestly a little surprised to hear Connor's encouragement, uncertain when he gave the impression that he's capable of being courageous. Didn't Connor mention that he was connected to the other Simon when he shot himself? He's probably aware of how afraid he is...]

You're right about Thras... and it doesn't help that he reminds me of someone.

[Not that Simon ever wants to imagine it, but he feels like Markus would still try and be encouraging and wanting his people to open up even if he gets destroyed.]

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